walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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