My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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