Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize