Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
