I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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