but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
