Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
