what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
