i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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