I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
