I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
