Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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