Pants 0. Shit 1.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
