Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
