8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
