Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
