cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
