I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
