You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
