dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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