I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
