He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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