I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
