he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
