it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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