Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Randomize
