when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
