u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
