First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize