so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize