did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
