Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize