I'm jealous of your bromance
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
