I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
