Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
