dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
