I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
