; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize