We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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