why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
