Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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