We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
