that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
there's paper in my vomit.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
