i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just want nice things and good sex
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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