none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
