he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize