Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
