I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
