During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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