remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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