WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
