FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
