so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
the liver wants what the liver wants
He keeps bees of course he's weird
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize