remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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