wakey wakey hands off snakey
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
