she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
