I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
