so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
