Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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