Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
