I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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