hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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