I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Randomize
