My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
