So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
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