Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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