What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
