didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
