You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
