It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
