Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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