A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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