we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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