I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
there's paper in my vomit.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
