you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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