i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
