it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
