dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
