i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i just had sex bonerless
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
