Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I don't deserve a penis
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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