Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
