you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
