found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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