dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
