3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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