i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
