she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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