yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
