how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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