i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
