he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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