I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
